so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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