im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
why do cheetos always look like penises
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
