I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
