Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
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