Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
