How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
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