the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Randomize
