This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
