No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
