is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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