Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
