He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
