this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
