Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
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I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
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Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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