Nicole vs. Life
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
