So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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