Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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