my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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