Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
