Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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