How'd it feel making her break her religion?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
