Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
