1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
