I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
