Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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