I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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