So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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