I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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