I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
