Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
