his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
