he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Randomize
