you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
