it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
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I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
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There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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