If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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