p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Randomize
