Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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