I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
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You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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