I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
