Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
should my penis look like a turkey
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
