Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
