Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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