Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
