Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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