just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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