I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
