My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
