Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
