all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
