Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I supernannyed him into submission
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
