You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
