Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
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RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
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At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
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