His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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