If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
