I look better un-naked...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
