so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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