Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
