is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm having to shit out rocks
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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