I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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