i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
