Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
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