If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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