She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
