You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
