wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
