I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
