i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
