I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
