So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
