Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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